i'm going to stay up all night & write poetry that will probably be really horrible.
then tomorrow i'll prove myself a teenager by sleeping the day away. sounds great.
i'm not asking anyone to join me or anything [unless you want to? go ahead man.] i'm just letting you know.
(:

i don't like 20. it doesn't have one of those lines that takes your breath away. but it's the truth, what i wrote, so.

oh & i found out that the letter i sent anonymously freaked him out. at least he knows now.

my hands are cold & there's no one around to hold them. perhaps gloves will suffice for the time being.
what are your plans for thanksgiving? i will be sitting around a huge table with tons of food & tons of people over the age of 40.

i was perfectly fine with actually writing it. i just came up with something & put it on my desk for sending later & went to bed.

& then when i read it the next day my heart felt like it was exploding in my chest

but in a bad way

so i knew that i hadn't said the right thing.

so then it came to me later on in the day & i knew that it was perfect this time so i didn't have to reread it & i put it in an envelope & stuck your address & your name on it & put it in my mailbox.

& then hours later i saw it go off in the mail truck & then hours after that i freaked out because it was a stupid thing to do, sending you what i wrote even though it was honest but not brutally honest or anything & i was scared that you would find out who wrote it &... do something to me involving a restraining order.



i don't know if you actually got it. i suppose i had to write you just one letter that would actually be sent instead of looming around under my bed with your address on the front, all ready to have another night in.

i don't like the days when i throw away all common sense & charliedom & act like an annoying teenage girl.
'cos, whether you believe me or not, i'm more mature than most girls my age.
i wonder if that'll stop once i become, you know, an adult. or if this will just happen every once in a while, even when i'm old & decrepit.

can you believe they're playing christmas music in stores now? i should have expected it but it was kind of a shock when i was in walmart [i never go there] & carol of the bells was playing in the gardening section. it's early november, walmart.
i like the really creepy version of carol of the bells by um.
celtic woman i think.

i don't think we can be friends anymore.