1.
when i first met you
   you were like an unopened mystery present to me
i knew nothing about what was inside you & i was fully prepared to rip you open & see your insides & the thought of this made my blood cells feel like they were electrified
[ how electrified? i could have lit up half of china or california or, selfishly, the half of my heart that                 quit on me years ago due to severe heart break.]
  after two years, you're still a mystery to me & i have yet to tear you open.


2.
i've had dreams with you in them since the first time i held your hand when it was cold.
you're always in the background for a while, & then when everyone else leaves, you
                                            strike
like a lion, & you take my hand & you tell me something crazy like
'the moon is made up of wishes & prayers & fireflies' instead of 'run away with me'
or something else i would actually believe.


3.
i told you a year ago that you were in desperate need of a haircut.
[ this was when i didn't know anything about you like your favorite color being sea foam green or your last name being kitts or your heart being severely broken at the time. ]
you smiled politely at me & told me i was a silly girl & that silly girls get their hearts broken more than sensible girls' hearts.
my response then was to play my broken tape recorder back directly into your ear, the high pitched sound of unwanted words.




7.
i drew portraits of you on saturday mornings
with your body clad in a suit
& an octopus for a head. i said,

"this is what you would look like if you were a squid."
i said,

"being a squid doesn't really suit you."

i said, "maybe if i add a ukulele..."
you smoothed my hair down where it stuck out in its regular disarray & you told me i had drawn an octopus, not a squid & chased me around my house making slurping & sticking-to-surface noises & we tripped over shoelaces & the feeling of lust.


9.
what's the difference between an octopus & a squid?
what's the difference between
love &
            lust?